Sunday, February 21, 2010


A few weeks ago, during a UU service, we were asked to talk with someone we did not know and ask them about the best part of their Christmas.

Being in a bit of an introverted mood that Sunday, I was not hugely excited about the exercise but turned around and started talking with Jack, an older gentleman with twinkly eyes.

Jack told me about having spent time with some friends, this past Christmas, and about having celebrated the memory of his wife who had died in September.

Before I could say anything, he added that "he was fine about it, now." He then explained to me that his wife had been sick for the past twelve years and that he had cared for her until the end. 

Then he said: "We were married for sixty-eight years." 

Sixty-eight years. 

Suddenly filled with all kinds of feelings, my mind was trying to wrap itself around that number. 

Something did not add up. 

How could Jack have been married for sixty-eight years? 

My confusion at the impossible math preventing me from being really present, I decided to ask. 

"How could you have been married for sixty-eight years?"

To which Jack answered: "Well,  I am ninety-two years old." 

Holy moly. 

All of a sudden, I could feel a flood of questions coming up. All of them adding up to this one: HOW???

As I now scrutinized Jacks bright eyes (no glasses), fully sharp mind and smooth skin I knew I was in the presence of the answers to important questions. 

Questions which had been taking more and more room in the last few years. 

But it was time for the service to resume and so there I was, my hear filled to the rim with thoughts of love, of life ... and of Jack.

Saturday, February 20, 2010

The February Newsletter ... out.

I love it when that happens.


Child #2 got his learner's permit today.

That's two out of three.

I am buying "the baby" a tricycle.

Whether he is 11 or not.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Two minute road trip lands us at the psychic's - in PJs.

I wanted to be in bed by 8. The thought of my big white fluffy comforter and a good book made my body soften with anticipation. I slipped on my bright red penguin pajamas and got dinner ready.

But I had forgotten that I needed to pick up Emmett, Tanissa's boyfriend at the ferry ... at 9:20.

Ok. I would be in bed by 9:45.

At 9:15, I and all three of my kids - as well as Roxy the dog - pile up in the car for a 2-minute drive down to the ferry terminal. As often happens when all of us get in the Suby together,  the energy amps up a bit. There is some giggling, some teasing (most often directed at me) and the palpable essence of a real road trip.

As we get near the ferry dock, I notice the neon "open" sign on the little house that sits up on the hill.

The little house that says "Psychic - $10 readings." 

I have seen that house many times, have wondered about it often and yet tonight, it is the first time that I see the open sign.

And of course, the kids have seen it too.

So we pick up Emmett and because the kids' excitement often manages to light up my own never-far-from-the-surface taste for adventure ... we drive up to the little house.

No one's there. But there is a phone on the outside wall. And a number.

Before I can say anything about going home (I am, after all in my pajamas) Marco picks up the phone and within seconds, he is talking to someone and making plans to have her meet us in "5 to 7 minutes."

The next moments are filled with psychic jokes  - most of them pretty darn witty - and finally Lola shows up.

In her pajamas.

She and I look like sisters and we all get a kick out of it.

The initial agreed upon idea was that ONE of them would get a $10 reading but pretty soon, well, all of them are getting a $5 reading. A palm reading.

One by one, the kids sit down and show their palm while the rest of us wait outside. As one comes out, another goes in.

And as each comes out, he/she tells us all about the reading.

Some of it is pretty darn fascinating.

When time comes to leave, Lola and I share a pajama hug, recognizing the mommy-hood in one another and somehow bonded by having shared this time with a bunch of cool kids, on a clear february night.

I am in bed at 10:30.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Pregnant - In Reverse

I remember the day I found out I was pregnant with Her. I had known already, in my newly growing motherly heart that She was there and yet it was so thrilling to hear the confirmation.

I had nine months to get ready.

And by the time She was born, I was ready. Mostly.

Ready to share my body, my nights, my sleep, myself.

Yesterday - eighteen years later - I received a similar timeline: I have six months to get ready.

Six months to get ready to let Her go. Six months to get ready to put Her on a plane to fly to the other end of the world. And most likely never fully come back.

By the time August rolls around, I will be ready. Mostly.

Monday, February 8, 2010

On Marriage


You were born together, and together you shall be forever more. 

You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

- Kahlil Gibran

Some Days Are Like This.

Most days, I am a well of creativity.

I get up ready to make things happen and I am excited to let them happen, too.

Most days, I look at the clock and wish it would stop for a while so that I may spill all I have into my laptop, sometimes a canvas, sometimes a pot of soup and sometimes all over the place.

But not today.

Today, I am empty.

Not unpleasantly empty but unusually empty.

No great idea, no interest in getting much done, much read, much written.

Not much impetus to go for a run either.

Here I sit in my pink robe at 2:30, reminding myself that contrast is such a good friend and that something in me must know exactly what I need: to do nothing.

So I do.

Saturday, February 6, 2010

Plenty of Time...


I looked up at the clock, and it told me that I had plenty of time.

A sunny Saturday morning, nothing but good stuff ahead and plenty of time.

I felt my body yield comfortably,  my chest expand and my breathing get fuller.

I love "plenty of time." 

In the course of the week, I occasionally lose that feeling. Even though I give myself quite a bit of room between sessions with my clients, I often create days where "some time" is more accurate than "plenty of it."

And I guess that the contrast is what makes the whole thing that much sweeter.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Feeling so loved - as I get hacked.

Last week, as I sat in a big bookstore café in Seattle, I delighted in the joy and freedom of being able to work in such varied environment.

Savoring a quiche while answering emails, surrounded by strangers who were doing their own thing I felt nicely connected yet focused.

As I got ready to leave, I noticed that one of my email accounts was asking me for a new password. While it seemed strange, I figured I would address that later on as I was looking forward to getting back home to Chris.

Five minutes later, as I was about to get into my car, my phone started ringing incessantly. I finally picked up and was told by an acquaintance that she had just received an email from me telling her that I was stuck in London and needed her to lend me $2000. While I was on the phone with her, a friend called and left me a similar message. And another. And another. 

My email had been hacked. 

This felt so weird. 

Suddenly, there was no way for me to get into my account. No way for me to do any of the things that are tied to a gmail account. Things like writing on this blog for instance.

This sort of things rarely happen to me (although I do a whole bunch of computer mess up on my own) and it was interesting to sit with the discomfort, reminding myself that I was dealing with only "virtual nuisance" - ie: none of my kids were in the hospital.

And then, the next morning (at 6:30 mind you), I received a call from Gregg. Gregg and I had worked together several years ago and he was concerned. Although he and I have never met in person, we had built a closeness through the trust it takes to coach and be coached. And here's the thing: he had written "me" back in response to "my desperate email" and told "me" that he would be sending the money "I" needed!

This man, with whom I had not talked in over three years, was willing to send me $2000!

By the time we talked, he had understood what was happening (the response he had gotten from his offer to use PayPal was strange at best) and was telling me how silly he felt.


All of a sudden, the whole thing felt fully worth it to me. 

Between all the calls of concern I had received and Gregg's willingness to bail me out, I felt so loved that  I was all mushy. 

It was one more example of how okay things are. 

So, in the end, here I am writing this blog entry on my finally recovered account. 

I am a little more cautious than I used to be - and yet feeling safer than ever.