Client Boundaries

(Written in May 09)

My friend seemed shocked. She said “You HUG your clients???”

We had just walked out of a movie theater and briefly ran into a group of three women with whom I had been working for a while; the four of us were happy to see each other and warm hugs ensued, complete with the happy noises that women sometimes make when they are, well ... happy to see each other.

What felt to me like a natural expression of joy seemed to offend my friend who quickly educated me - in what I heard as a worried tone - about her version of a healthy client / coach relationship.

This was a few years ago and while I never fully subscribed to her theory, her words remained in the background of my mind and occasionally made it to the foreground as I broke, again and again the boundaries of what worked - for her.

I have watched my clients’ dogs so that they may go on trips, I have returned calls at strange hours in order to offer a few calming words, I have opened my art studio and shared my supplies so that words that did not know how to be spoken may be painted, I have entertained my clients’ kids so they, in turn, could go play and “be”, I have driven my clients to the doctor when their backs were out, contributed to their kids’ tuition when it felt right to do so, shared a self-defense class to make it more fun (for both of us) - and way more.

And I have definitely given and received a lot of hugs.

And while it always felt right, my friend’s voice never fully went away.

Until this morning.

This morning, in the sweet space that exists right before we open our eyes, I knew my truth.

I knew how this works - for me.

As I woke up in a beautiful, peaceful room, overlooking a Canadian river and facing a hill where wild horses roam, I knew.

I knew that my own boundaries are strong in their ability to be soft. I knew that my intuition guides me well on the path to remaining open and connected in a way that is healthy.

I know because my dog fell asleep in front of my client’s fire last night, after a long walk on the beach: Laure is watching her so that Chris and I may go spend a few days in Kamloops, where Brigette invited us. Yes, she invited us to stay with her at her Riverside Inn, and gave us the best room in the house, made us an amazing late night snack and showered us with so much care that my eyes teared up. I know because Kristin will be checking on our cat, today, while we are away. I know because before we left, Rebecca lent me her computer charger so that I may continue to write as my own suddenly quit. I know because Carol has asked me to meet her for tea, next week, just to talk ...

I know because I know that Goodness is so precious that it is NOT to be used sparingly, not to be handed out fearfully.

This morning, I know.

Perhaps the line between clients and friends is sometimes not as sharp as I thought it would always be, when I started my career.

Perhaps it takes a little bit more work to keep checking in
to be sure that it all feels right.

And this “little bit more work” part, is also what I love. I love being aware of boundaries as a starting place and also being aware that they are mine to stretch. Consciously.

Hugs to all,

L.