In Times of Trouble

I sit today with an uncomfortable new awareness. Uncomfortable because  - as is often the case with any important new awareness, I wish I had had it ... before.

But I didn't.

And so, in the last few weeks, as my life became a whirlwind of emotions, challenges and fears, I "did" a lot. Faced with something intensely difficult, I took action. I made appointments, I asked for support and I talked with people. I rushed things.

The support I received helped me feel loved. And validated. It all came with much warmth and because I have awesome, smart friends, it all felt really good.

But today, I sit with the knowledge that less movement may have been better.

That more sitting with ME would have served me and mine in a truer way.

Sitting with the "not knowing" would have allowed me to eventually hear my own voice, to speak my own words. The "not knowing" that is so damn uncomfortable.

So, I live with this new piece about myself. And I let it settle within me, find its new home so that I may use it in my own life as well as the lives of my clients.