Laura Lavigne - Life does NOT have to be hard. It CAN be deliciously sweet.

BLOG HAS MOVED!!!

2011-04-28T16:19:00.000-07:00

SEE YOU HERE!

www.lifedoesnothavetobehard.com

Chia seeds and way more.

2010-10-01T12:00:00.000-07:00

I highly recommend next week's radio show episode. My guest is Chef Frank Giglio and it is one inspiring hour (I just finished pre-recording)

Oh, the show will air at 7PM Pacific - archives are always on my site!

October's lack of ego

2010-10-01T07:30:00.000-07:00

October is such a gentle month.

Still a few hints of summer - a few tomatoes on the vine, here and there - and yet just a faint whiff of the holidays.

Not cold, I still sleep with the windows opened and yet my black boots have already jumped out of the old trunk where they "summernate."

School is still new enough and the leaves are in their glory.

Pears and apples nestle into pie crusts and Chet Baker holds me through days of writing and wondering about my own changes.

I love October's lack of ego ... just content being itself. Knowing that it will go out with a Boo and little kids in costumes seems to be just enough.

Today

2010-09-29T18:16:00.000-07:00

Just being.

An early appointment with a man who really wants to sell me something.

I sit back, sipping my tea and appreciating the interaction, knowing that he is doing his job very well but that only if I really needed his product, would I buy it.

Which I don't.

Almost peed my pants.

2010-09-28T21:33:00.001-07:00

Marco: Was the Mona Lisa painted by Ghandhi?

Me: ?????????

Marco: Oh, no, no. I meant Van Ghandi.

Life is amazing...

2010-09-27T13:14:00.000-07:00

So, yes, I have decided to start running and I have invited people to join me and I have recruited some encouragement.

And this morning, I started with my very first baby step and it's been good.

Good except for the voice that kept telling me you know you've started this before. You know you never actually made it to run - even a full mile - without walking. You know ...

And yeah, I know.

But then, in response to my attempt to recruit some company, I received this email today, from Marty. Marty suffered an aneurysm, nine years ago, that has left him paralyzed. This much I knew. This other part... I did not.

With his permission, here is Marty's email:

Laura,

I would love to do it with you but you know I am paralyzed. I was a big runner...Every Thanksgiving I ran a 5k at the city I was at...

It was called the Turkey trot....I ran a 26 mile marathon before It took me a whole year to train for it...I really miss running..:(

Hugs,Marty

Followed a few minutes later, after I told him how much his words got me motivated, by

See I am helping people to get in shape..:)

Hugs,Marty

So well ... yeah. I am sure as heck going to do this, now.

I am going to take these legs of mine that work really well and take these lungs of mine that will adjust and I am going to take all these excuses of mine that are so savvy and I am going to RUN.

I am going to run and when I get whiny, I will think of Marty and get my shoes on and run some more.

Life IS amazing.

Where is It?

2010-09-27T08:00:00.000-07:00

My "Facebook Friends" post from yesterday brought up some emails as well as one poignant online comment.

As I try to sort out my own feelings, I keep going back to different versions of the same question:

Where is it?

Where is that line between simply witnessing someone's path and choices, respecting them as "perfect for them at this time" (I believe Byron Katie would use these words) and letting our thoughts/fears/opinions take over loudly enough to get in the way - and risk bothering them enough that they slam the door in our faces?

On the other hand, what about our own path and where is OUR line in exposing our hearts to someone's choices - when we perceive them as potentially dangerous?

Yikes... I have no answer and it is not for lack of asking.

Facebook Friends

2010-09-26T11:05:00.000-07:00

We had met 23 years ago and had kept in touch sporadically over the years. Even though we were never intimately close (I have since learned that it is hard for me to be very close to people who drink a lot of alcohol), he always had a special place in my life and when I received his request to be his "Facebook Friend," a few months ago, I had smiled and had been very happy to accept.

For the past few months, rarely a day went by that we did not exchange a witty comment on one another's page and that felt really nice.

He had just gotten engaged and I was planning to attend his wedding and was hoping he would let me make the cake.

A few days ago, he emailed me directly and asked me some non-witty, deep questions. Because I was in the middle of finishing a book, I did not notice how unusual his serious tone was. I simply answered the questions.

48 hours later, as I was going to bed, I absentmindedly logged onto Facebook and as I often did, clicked over to his page.

At the top of the page was his last - ever so telling - entry.

And then, a bunch of people.

A bunch of people in "his room." I looked around the room but could not find him. The noise was deafening but I tried to listen. To understand.

He had taken his own life.

Just like that - or rather NOT just like that.

All the months of bantering back and forth and thinking that we were actually communicating. All the months of helping ourselves to each other's hyper superficial layers. All the months of really, not being such good friends.

So, I am in shock. Not surprised really, but in shock.

And left with many questions.

Questions such as "what is a friend?" and is it really important to be "in touch" with so many people when that touch is feather-like as opposed to strong and real?

Questions having to do with alcohol, too and my own choices in exposing my heart to people who love it so darn much.

And so this morning, when another friend writes to me and says "I need to talk - may I drive over?" I say ... hell yes.

That's it. I'm doing it.

2010-09-25T21:20:00.000-07:00

I am training to run a 5K by Thanksgiving.

I have been wanting to do this for years - and have started several times - but am now tired of this little bit of "I will do it some day" mind clutter.

Since I can't seem to cross it off my list, I am just gonna do it.

Never mind the "my-lungs-can't-get-enough-air-cause-my-mom-smoked-while-she-was-pregnant-with-me" excuse ... I am just gonna do it.

Never mind that I am not sure where my iPod is. I am just gonna do it.

And I may need help, so feel free to check on me.

Oh... anyone want to take the challenge with me?

5K by Thanksgiving.

The Remote

2010-09-19T20:59:00.000-07:00

(not sure about this sex button...)

borrowed from Owning Pink.

Working from Home

2010-09-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

We may very well have the world's most prolific pear tree.

Every year, it gifts us with hundreds of fruits and this year is no different.

Having showered my neighbors and friends with more pears than they may be able to eat, can, bake, juice... I put a little ad on freecyle (I LOVE freecyle).

Within minutes, I had found myself a new job of answering an avalanche of emails about picking up the pears.

In order to focus on my other job - yes, that one - I made up a template reply and sent it to anyone who asked, along with my address.

"I will put the pears on my front porch. Bring some bags and help yourselves until they are gone (which could happen quickly)

ENJOY!!"

Then, I go back to The Job. This pear thing is wrapped up nicely and no longer needs my attention. It is self-maintaining and that is always a good, efficacious thing.

An hour later, I hear people climbing up the porch steps. I hear little voices. I hear FUN.

Focus, Laura, focus.

Finally, the effort of trying to focus on my work while my mind wants to put a face to the voices and connect is way more distracting than just getting up and walking to the door.

So I do. And right there are two little girls, dressed in pink mind you, looking at each pear before placing it gently into the bag their mom is holding for them.

They are beaming. And now, so am I.

AND I remember why working from home is such a challenge, and that I need to focus.

And ... what the heck... maybe I just need to go bake a pear tarte.

The Glamour of Public Speaking

2010-09-17T09:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, you gotta go find your audience in the wild.

Letting the Winks in

2010-09-17T07:53:00.000-07:00

They are everywhere... little winks from life, god, love, Fred* ... whatever name feels best to you.

Little simple, humorful reminder that life is meant to be fun, funny even.

And often, they come to us at the very times when we are about to forget that we are here to ENJOY.

Like my funny little plant dude, here, who was hanging on by one arm, waving at me on a gray summer day, reminding me that hello, is the gray sky REALLY that big a deal?

Our only job is to notice them - and thank them.

Giggling is optional but highly recommended.

(*anyone curious about the Fred thing, I can explain.)

Clean

2010-09-15T10:33:00.000-07:00

My friend Carol writes from Scotland (she has just started a one-year travelfest!)

Hoping to find some distant relatives, she asks questions of a local shopkeeper.

Carol reports that after a while, the man kindly informs her that "he has run out of hospitality" - and heads to the back of his shop to peel vegetables.

How clean is that? No suffering through a conversation he has outgrown, no pretending to be interested when he no longer is, no inventing a reason to exit.

Just clean.

Clean "this is how I feel and I can kindly share this with you."

What an honor it is to be treated this way.

And I bet the Scottish accent was fun, too.

It Hurts

2010-09-11T08:49:00.000-07:00

I recently received an email from an old acquaintance letting me know that one of our friends had died.

Bill would have been just a few years older than me and even though I had not thought about him in years, had last seen him in the mid-eighties when we all worked together on fashion photo shoots in Chicago, the news bore a hole in me.

Reaching for some sort of understanding, I asked questions and found very few answers.

Until this morning when, along with a few photographs that I now deeply cherish, I was told that "Bill was having some mental issues and was seeing a doctor about it but just couldn't cope."

That's all I know and very possibly all I will ever know.

Could I have helped? Could I have found the little seed of joy in him and watered it enough to make him want to stick around and see his daughters grow up?

Is it arrogance for me to think that I could have altered his path? Even to think that his path should have been altered, that it is anything else than perfect?

Even that, I don't know.

I just know that it hurts.

Wisdom à la Seuss

2010-09-09T08:16:00.001-07:00

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

The Peace

2010-09-07T08:34:00.000-07:00

THE PEACE OF WILD THINGS

When despair for the world grows in me
and I wake in the night at the least sound
in fear of what my life and my children's lives may be,
I go and lie down where the wood drake
rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.
I come into the peace of wild things
who do not tax their lives with forethought
of grief. I come into the presence of still water.
And I feel above me the day-blind stars
waiting with their light. For a time
I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.

(Shared this morning by Greg.)

— Wendell Berry

Scrapbooking Supplies

2010-09-06T08:47:00.000-07:00

I was at a big craft store, yesterday, looking for a specific tool I needed.

Apparently, it lived in the "scrapbooking aisle."

This led me to spending ten good minutes in a strange and very unfamiliar land. A land where everything is devoted to the art of presenting, enhancing and preserving the past, in the form of photographs.

I think I had heard of scrapbooking but I had never really gotten that close to it.

And as I sat there, looking for the little do-hickey I needed (and found), I started to feel really weird.

And it is very possible that the weirdness came only from my interpretation and misunderstanding.

Nonetheless, I felt weird.

Weird from thinking of all the hours, money and energy spent decorating events that already took place instead of looking up and enjoying the Now.

When I think of it this morning, it was more of an energetic discomfort than anything rational because I am usually not that triggered at all by the way anyone chooses to spend their time. In fact, I can even see the ritualistic joy involved in manipulating photos and reliving happy memories.

But still.

Something about the fact that this is a whole industry - and not a cheap one - devoted to looking behind makes me feel funny.

Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just funny.

On being grown up.

2010-09-04T08:48:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, a friend of mine remarked that "I was working all the time."

I did not say much about it but as we continued our walk, I knew that her words had been filed in the "look at it closely later" category.

Truth is, her words really made their mark on me.

Following a decade of boundaries-free relationship with my work that landed me in the hospital and a broken marriage, I had vowed to never, ever let work "get me" again - no matter how much I loved it.

So, for many years, I didn't. In fact, I made a point of keeping a close eye on the amount of thoughts and time I gave my work. Which, for me, took a little bit of effort as I once again found myself passionate about what I was doing.

But I did it. I prided myself on keeping my work at bay. I made sure to not let my career have too loud a voice. To take lots and lots of time off, to talk with my clients "from the road" and to always be available to my kids, no matter what. I loved telling myself that I was in charge, that I was free.

Was I free?

Was I free when money was so often tight? Was I free when I was suppressing my creativity and my "bigness" because of fear?

Maybe not.

Really, I had vowed to not enter into a committed relationship for fear of not knowing how to have boundaries and losing myself - again.

Where is the growth, there? Really, where is the love?

Over the past three years - and especially the last six months - my passion for my work has slowly refused to stay quiet. Encouraged by the love of a man who knows how to keep me from bolting, I have stopped driving with the brakes on.

I have started to trust that I could follow my passion and not lose myself.

But this is still new and I am still impressionable.

And my friend's words have been the perfect stinging reminder to check in with myself.

Is she right? Am I doing it again?

Yes. and No.

I have been working a lot, lately. I have an exciting plan and a stimulating timeline. And I am following both passionately.

And I am aware of the why. I am aware of the when. I am choosing both.

Which for me is a very different, very new way to be.

Running away from something or someone because we are afraid of how big we can be, is not freedom. It is smallness.

I may have finally grown up.

French Women Manifesto - by Mireille Guiliano

2010-09-02T08:18:00.000-07:00

* French women eat three meals a day.

* French women adore fashion.

* French women are stubborn individuals and don't follow mass movements.

* French women avoid anything that demands too much effort for too little pleasure.

* French women balance their food, drink, and movement on a week-by-week basis.

* French women care enormously about the presentation of food. It matters to them how you look at it.

* French women choose their own indulgences and compensations. They understand that little things count, both additions and subtractions, and that as an adult everyone is the keeper of her own equilibrium.

* French women do stray, but they always come back, believing there are only detours and no dead ends.

* French women don't care for hard liquor.

* French women don't diet.

September

2010-09-01T08:10:00.000-07:00

September, I think, smells different from all the other months.

To me, it has always smelled of new school supplies and ever since I moved to the US, it has smelled of school buses (do you know that we don't have school buses in France?)

It smells of new beginnings, it smells of resolutions. It smells of happy structure, of productivity, of safe routine.

Of meals shared together, too. It is the sweet yin to the summer's yan (or is it the other way around? I never know...)

I wish all of us a happy, happy September!

White sheets. A white pillow...

2010-08-28T22:21:00.000-07:00

They speak to me of calm, of a blank canvas to host my dreams.

As contrast to the bright colors of my day, I love slipping in between these soft and cool layers of white, ready to host my imagination and not ask any question.

They won't just walk... they'll fly!

2010-08-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

When my kids were very little, I was told repeatedly that if I did not put them down, they would never learn to walk.

But I did not put them down, not until they asked (twice) to come down from my hip.

And they sure learned to walk.

They learned to run.

And they learned to fly.

During the course of few weeks, one flew to Brazil, one jumped out of an airplane and one ... flew an airplane.

They are not the scared, dependent little people that I was warned about. They are curious and they are confident enough to converse with their curiosity, to dance with it. They walk the world feeling safe.

It reminds me of a line I read once, many years ago before I even had children. It is from Bryce Courtenay's character, Peekay. Peekay, recalling his childhood, says: "in giving me independence of thought, they had given me the greatest gift and adult can give to a child besides love. And they had given me that, also."

It is hard to feel true independence of thought when we are "needing," when our basic needs are not met. Sometimes, this takes sitting on a loving hip for a couple of years.

Turn a 14-room motel into a junk drawer?

2010-08-26T11:32:00.000-07:00

Yikes.

Take a listen ...

On Giving.

2010-08-23T10:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning was my oldest son's 16th birthday.

I woke up excited at the idea of celebrating this special day in the way that he had asked: I was taking him and his friend skydiving.

I knew that from the moment I opened my eyes until the moment we were all in car, ready to go, a lot had to happen: the dog wanted breakfast, so did all the kids. Chris and I wanted "green smoothies" - and he wanted his without bananas. Sandwiches needed to be made and packed, the birthday cake needed to find its way into the back of the car. Emmett needed a ride from the ferry. There was some tie dye stuff left over from last night to clean up and I had a few emails to answer.

As I went from one thing to the next, I had my eye on the clock, knowing that we had to leave by 10. At 9:30, all the stuff was done and it was now time to get ME ready.

As I closed the bathroom door, after announcing that I was "just going to jump in and have a quick shower," I realized that I did not want a quick shower. Actually, I wanted a nice, long and fragrant one. I wanted to take my time and take care of me, for the next little while.

So I did.

Instead of a 5 minute shower, I spent 20 minutes in the bathroom. I savored the solitude, I savored the whole process. I made a conscious choice not to rush and to give to ME.

And while we did leave 10 minutes later than we would have had if I had "just jumped in real quick," those 10 extra minutes made me feel so taken care of, so "well" that as I emerged, I was fully ready to give.

Give my time, my attention, my love - and be "well" enough to watch my kid jump out of an airplane and hoot as he opened his big green parachute.

Well worth it.

Timing.

2010-08-23T10:05:00.000-07:00

This morning, I think back about a particular speaking engagement.

It was a big one. A room full of counselors and a whole day of training/sharing/questioning/exploring with many brilliant minds who have been "in the field" for decades.

At the end of the day, as I often do, I asked them to fill out an evaluation form.

A few minutes after leaving the event (I have not yet learned to wait until the next day as most speakers do), I am in the car, reviewing the forms.

Out of 30 forms, 28 are ecstatic. They feel that their day was well spent, that they have gained new and important tools and that they are looking forward to us spending more time together in the future as well as to spreading the wealth of what they have learned with their own clients.

One form is ambivalent, not convinced that this was what she was looking for at this time.

One form is unhappy. The material was too general.

I am crushed.

I am crushed and just like that - very possibly because I am tired and have very little resources left - I take it in way deep inside of me.

I allow it to fade the other words of praise. It becomes mostly all I remember about this presentation.

The "big girl" part of me knows that I cannot reach every person in the audience; it knows that even if I make a big difference in only one person's life, my days was well spent. A part of me knows to remain in my own business and trust others to navigate theirs.

The "business person" in me wants to know more, to improve. What could I have done better? After all, this is why I ask for those evaluations.

And the tired part of me wants to cry. Very specifically because I am tired.

From now on, I will take the advice of generations of well seasoned speakers and wait.

Timing is huge.

Sex and Creativity

2010-08-18T09:56:00.000-07:00

Corbin and I had a great hour on the air, together.

Christmas in August

2010-08-18T09:16:00.000-07:00

A few weeks ago, I was in bed reading Don Aslett's famous "Clutter's Last Stand" when it occurred to me that I would love to connect with Don and hear more about this empire he has built around clutter busting and smart house cleaning. A few phone calls lead me to him and yesterday, a box came in the mail.

Can you say GENEROUS?

Backwards.

2010-08-16T11:30:00.000-07:00

I received an email, this morning, from a speaker's bureau offering to list me in their directory - along with a link to their website.

Seemed interesting enough that I picked up the phone to find out more.

The first thing the man on the other line (the owner of the company) asked me was if I had looked at their website.

I hadn't. Their email was compelling enough that I had wanted to talk to someone. Thus the phone call.

He did not feel the same way.

Every time I asked a question to try and understand how they operated, I would be told to "look at the website."

After being told to look at the website four times in lieu of actually communicating, I thanked the man for his time and hung up.

Websites are great. Especially at 3 in the morning. But - I feel - their purpose is to get you to want MORE. To pick up the phone and connect.

To reverse the flow and see your website as a substitute for human interaction and thus tell a live person who was interested enough to pick up the phone to "go back to my website and call me if you have any question" is fully missing the point.

And in this case, the client.

No what???

2010-08-13T09:48:00.000-07:00

Usually, the places where I speak will have some sort of sign by the entrance, indicating their preferences/rules.

In most business settings, there will be some request that cell phones be turned off.

In others, there will be some dress requirements (sometimes having to do with uniforms.)

Yesterday, as I got ready to walk into Woodinville's Tot Spot Café, it took me a second to fully grasp their request:

"No Green Boogers Here."

Could it REALLY be this simple?

2010-08-10T18:26:00.000-07:00

It has been cold here, for a while, now. Often times, gray too.

Not every day but man, it's SUMMER and yesterday I saw a woman wearing a wool hat in the grocery store. And she did not look ridiculous. She looked ... comfy.

And then, eleven years ago was my dad's last day and all day - all week, really - I have felt a grayness inside of me.

Add to this a client who did not show up and "Cat's in the Cradle" playing on the radio as my kid have all been gone for over two weeks and I was feeling a little low, this afternoon.

As I left my office, the manager said "hey Laura, want your mail?"

Naw. I don't want anything. But too late, he is escorting me to the office and handing me a few envelopes.

One of them BRIGHT YELLOW.

I recognized a friend's name in the corner and ripped it open before I was out of the building.

And just like that, the sun came back inside of me. I am serious. The gray went away and the sun came back. In one second.

Why? Maybe because she thought of me. Maybe because it was bright yellow and full of sun. Definitely because she thought of me.

Could it really be this simple.

I think so...

Borrowing from Seth Godin

2010-08-10T08:15:00.000-07:00

(Uncharacteristically long for him, but darn good.)

The places you go

"Over the weekend I visited one of my favorite places. It didn't matter that I hadn't been there in a while, or didn't know most of the people I encountered. The second I walked in, heard the noise, saw the walls... even the way it smelled... I was transported.

It’s incredible to think about--a room could magically change the way I felt. A physical room with the right memories can do this in just a heartbeat. So can a metaphorical one, even a brand.

The states of your emotions (your moods and passions) are like rooms in a house.

Anxiety, flow, joy, fear, exhaustion, connection, contemplation, emotional labor... each one can be visited at will if we choose. Sometimes by entering a real room, but more often in metaphor...

Do you have a friend you can have an intimate, tearful conversation with anytime you pick up the phone? Is there a topic that if you bring it up with your boss, it will quickly lead to contention? Is there a place or a memory that never fails to bring melancholy along with it?

Occasionally we encounter emotions at random. More often, we have no choice, because there’s something that needs to be done, or an event that impinges itself on us. But most often, we seek emotions out, find refuge in them, just as we walk into the living room or the den.

Stop for a second and reread that sentence, because it’s certainly controversial. I’m arguing that more often than not, we encounter fear or aggravation or delight because we seek it out, not because it’s thrust on us.

Why check your email every twenty minutes? It’s not because it needs checking. It’s because the checking puts us into a state we seek out. Why yell at the parking attendant with such gusto? Teaching him a lesson isn’t the point--no, in that moment, it’s what we want to do, it’s a room we choose to hang out in. It could be something as prosaic as getting involved in a flame war online every day, or checking your feeds at midnight or taking a shot or two before dinner. It’s not something you have to do, it’s something you choose to do, because going there takes your emotions to a place you’ve gotten used to, a place where you feel comfortable, even if it makes you unhappy.

There’s a metaphorical room I can go to where I’m likely to experience flow--a sense of being in the moment and getting an enormous amount done. Down the hall is the room where there’s a lot of anxiety about something I can’t change. I can visit that room if I choose, but I don’t. And yes, it’s a choice.

Great brands figure out how to supply a ‘room’ to anyone who chooses to visit. Soap opera fans, for example, can count on being put into a certain state anytime they tune in. The Apple store is carefully calibrated as an architectural and retail room that will change how you feel when you enter it. Chiat Day built offices in New York and LA that triggered huge waves of creativity. And there's nothing like the face of a kid eating a Hershey's bar...
YouTube isn't just video. It's a room. Not everyone uses it the same way, but most people use it the same way every time they use it. If it's the site people go to see stupid pet tricks and write stupider comments, then they know why they're going and it's going to be hard for it to become something else...
Is your brand providing the right room to the right people at the right time? Most products, most services--they provide a thing, a list of features, but not a room for my emotions.

This insight about our moods and your brand is all well and good, but it becomes essential once you realize that there are some rooms you’re spending way too much time in, that these choices are taking away from your productivity or your happiness.

Why are you going there again?

Every time you go to that room, you get unhappy, and so do we. Every time you go that room, you spend more time than you expected, and it stresses out the rest of your day. Every time you go to that room you short-circuit the gifts you give to the rest of the team.

Once your habit becomes an addiction, it’s time to question why you get up from a room that was productive and happy, a place you were engaged, and walk down the hall to a room that does no one any good (least of all, you). Tracking your day and your emotions is a first step, but it takes more than that. It takes the guts to break some ingrained habits, ones that the people around you might even be depending on."

Seth Godin.

For Us the "Unemployables"

2010-08-09T16:47:00.000-07:00

So there I was, on a rainy August Monday, juggling numbers to figure out how I was going to pay for the new printing of my book.

As always, the figuring out got figured out but not until I spent a few minutes cursing this unemployable streak of mine: Laura, why can't you just work for someone? Do you know how nice a regular paycheck could be? Do you know how amazing "benefits" are? Do you?

Truthfully, I don't. But many parts of it (the regular paycheck being waaay on top of the list) do sound pretty nice.

And then it was the middle of the afternoon. And the figuring out had left me a just a little tired. The rain falling softly on the deck was lulling me to a slower pace.

So, just like that, without even having to tell a soul, I ran myself a nice hot bath and got ready for a great, luxurious, decadent post-soak nap.

On Monday afternoon.

No Flip Flopping for Me.

2010-08-09T05:30:00.000-07:00

If I am up in the middle of the night, it seems that I could just get my work done right then and when I get tired, the next day, just go to sleep.

Doesn't that make sense? Who cares if my writing was done at 3AM or 3PM?

That's what I tell myself on those rare occasions when sleep dodges me. Like today.

So I grab my Mac and we snuggle in bed. It's dark outside, the cat is confused and I am filled with good, fully sensible intentions.

Only, darn it, it does not work that way.

My mind, at 3 in the morning, is only sharp enough for a trip down Facebook avenue. I tell myself that any second now, I will be able to flip flop my daily work into this strange, velvety world of dark, silence and peace. I tell myself that for plenty of writers, this is the perfect time.

But not for me.

I am useless at 3am.

And now, I may be useless at noon, too.

No flip flopping, just a strange day ahead.

Oh well.

Sit with it

2010-08-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

You just did it.

You had been looking forward to it for a long time and you just did it.

Now, sit with it - for a good while. Feel it. Hear your happy thoughts about it.

For a day, maybe? For a little longer?

Sit with it before you start planning "the next one."

That "sitting time" is where the magic gets refueled.

Viktor Frankl on accents and much more

2010-08-07T11:27:00.000-07:00

There are so many lines to borrow from Viktor Frankl. This morning - and because it made me smile so instantaneously - I choose this one (I bet I will be borrowing it again and again):

"I speak the most beautiful accent without the slightest English."

I recommend taking a minute and watching this video:
Viktor Frankl: Why to believe in others | Video on TED.com

Sweet Wink in Dirty Dishes.

2010-08-06T19:15:00.000-07:00

Ok, ok ... I get it.

Raspberries

2010-08-05T21:22:00.000-07:00

She knocks on my office door, ready for what we both know may be a difficult session.

She hands me three small boxes of plump raspberries.

As the hour passes, the raspberries sit between us, and we take turn plopping a few in our mouths, intently listening to each other's words.

Something about the tangy-ness, something about the sweetness, something about the sharing turns the small space around us into a bubble of safety and truth.

She is going to be fine. Better than fine. She is going to be HER.

A bit of Jewish wisdom about "Believing in a Friendly Universe"

2010-08-04T15:44:00.000-07:00

By Tzvi Freeman on Chabad.org

Is this as timely for you as it is for me?

"You have today's meal before you on the table and sit and fret over what will be tomorrow -- and you claim you are "just being practical."

This is not being practical -- this is confusion.

Every day you are nourished straight from His full, open and overflowing hand. Everything in between -- all your work and accounts and bills and receivables and clientele and prospects and investments -- all is but a cloud of interface between His giving hand and your soul, an interface of no real substance which He bends and flexes at whim.

If so, if He is feeding you today, and He has fed you and provided all you need and more all these days, what concerns could you have about tomorrow? Is there then something that could stand in His way? Could He possibly have run out of means to provide for you?"

Take your focus off the measured channels by which you receive and place your eyes on the Infinite Source of Giving. The Source has no lack of channels."

He's Got Our Numbers!

2010-08-03T17:18:00.000-07:00

Wanna hear a FUN show about "Cosmic Numerology?"

This is IT.

Michael Brill generously did a silly amount of live readings (including my dog) while educating us on this fascinating art/science...

Way, way cool.

Seriously???

2010-08-03T08:02:00.000-07:00

It had happened many times before but for some reason, even though it bugged me, I had never asked.

Chris, at the stove, preparing some saucy delight and setting the saucy delight spoon right on top of the delightfully white enamel of the stove. One inch away from the perfectly suited, "spoon holder thingy."

Yesterday was no different:

I had just cleaned the kitchen, including wiping down the stove.
He was reheating one of his amazing BBQ sauces.

The saucy spoon was right next to the holder. Rich brown sauce smeared all over pristine white stove.

So I asked.

Feeling more curious than annoyed, I asked.

"Babe, why do you lay the spoon right on the stove instead of on the spoon holder?"

(pause)

Then, his answer:
"Well, I did not want to get that thingy on the stove dirty."

There we have it.

Al Turtle would smile and say "you see? we all make sense, all the time."

Jitters

2010-08-02T05:42:00.000-07:00

Even though I remember the first day of school, I have no point of reference for "the-first-day-of-school-in-a-foreign-country-on-another-continent-in-a-language -I-do-not-yet-speak."

I have been up half the night with the jitters.

Having kids really IS like having your heart walk outside your own body.

Darn Accountability

2010-07-31T10:21:00.000-07:00

My coach told me that I had 24 hours to make 8 calls to prospective meeting planners.

Once I got past the "Hey that's MY line" syndrome, I found oh ... 12 things that were much more important for me to do that day. One of them included washing the ceiling in my bathroom. I kid you not.

Noon came around. Then 2:00. Then 2:30.

I was going around my business and looked fully efficient I am sure. Inside, I was squirming.

I had agreed. I said that I would make those calls. And really, I loved that he was holding me to a timeline. I know how well this technique works because I use it with my clients all the time. I tell them "be sure to shoot me a quick email when you're done." I get it.

But still. Cold calling sucks.

So, I cleaned up my desk (that's one of my little quirks and a topic better left for another time) and picked up the phone.

Within 3 minutes, I had booked a speaking date. Just like that.

And pretty soon, another one.

Would I have done it without having promised to report to him? I would love to say yes. But I have to say ... no.

Accountability to another person is often what makes things click. Not because of fear (my coach lives across the country so I am in no danger of getting a spanking) but because of ... I don't know, something that happens to many of us when we say: "Yep. I'll do it."

It's good.

Anticipation

2010-07-28T10:41:00.000-07:00

As I watch the puffy, creamy white croissants who have been rising all night, I am reminded of the power of anticipation.

Here they are, pregnant with the promise of flaky, buttery deliciousness, their yeasty smell taking over my kitchen.

I know that in minutes, they will become the familiar friends of my childhood, golden and amazing.

I know that I will burn my fingers, then my tongue, on the first one as I am not great with waiting.

But right now, as the oven heats up, I get to sit with their swollen promise for just a few more minutes... lucky me.

The Yumminess of Giving!

2010-07-23T12:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, my (not so) little girl flew across the world to land in Brazil, in the arms of a family whom she had never met and who was waiting to take her into their home as their own for a year.

Because the world moves so fast, I was able to see a photo, last night, of her being hugged by her new "Dad" and the feeling of generosity made my head spin and my heart melt.

This morning, I too want to give a little of me to the world.

And so, I am giving you a free copy of my book, Pink Hair & Chocolate Cookies, in its ebook form. Just in time for the weekend.
If you have not read it yet, I believe you'll enjoy it.
If you have already read it, maybe there is a new little nugget in there ready for you to discover.

Either way, just send me a quick email and it is yours!

Here's to passing on our gifts - whether they may be the warmth of a home in a faraway land, a collection of heartfelt words or a few minutes of our attention.

I wish you a super duper weekend...

Yossi's Amazing Story - Pure.

2010-07-21T21:08:00.000-07:00

Some things are just too good to be messed with.

Yossi's story is one of those so, for those of us who don't like to be interrupted by rude callers ... this is it:

Click here and ... ENJOY

Writing this "hot."

2010-07-20T13:32:00.001-07:00

I am writing this "hot." No pondering and no waiting until I cool down.

I just got off the air where I hosted Yossi Ghinsberg and had the privilege of listening to his story, told in the most beautiful way.

2/3 of the way through the interview, I noticed that someone was trying to get on the air and most likely ask Yossi a question. I decided to let the call through since I was too dreamy from Yossi's words to ask him anything intelligent anyway.

As soon as I heard the caller's voice, I felt that I had broken the spell and wished I had not taken the call. And then, within seconds, the caller was voicing the rudest, unrelated comments on the air. I clicked him off.

Yossi had not understood the comments and we were able to go on with the show but something in me feels sad, mad and grossed out.

This kind of stuff rarely (never?) happens to me and I guess I have not built the immunity, yet.

I understand that as the show grows, the net widens and that with it comes ... different flavors.

I get it. I will be "back in my own business" shortly.

And oh, make a cup of tea and listen to Yossi ... just try and ignore these strange seconds, 2/3 of the way through.

XOX

Little Big Girl

2010-07-16T22:25:00.000-07:00

She was not quite three years old. She was very little. She was very big, too.

She is about to fly away and while she is still pretty little, I know that she is very big, too.

Faire et défaire ...

2010-07-16T18:35:00.000-07:00

In French, we say ... "faire et défaire, c'est toujours travailler," which translates loosely to ... to do and undo ... it is still working.

Today, after spending most of the day on one project only to fully undo it a few minutes ago, I needed to remember this.

Follow up on Yes! TeleClass

2010-07-13T12:26:00.000-07:00

A few thoughts I wanted to share as a follow up to last night's class. Universal enough to share with all.

1) Objects are here to serve us. NOT the other way around. This means that when it comes to acquiring, disregarding or maintaining objects, WE are in charge. We have a choice. One way this came to life for me, this past week is when receiving a new refrigerator. The new fridge got delivered, all beautiful and clean, with all its inviting new shelves for me to play with. Within minutes, I was placing my food on the shelves and pretty soon, I realized that ... something was not right. After stepping back a little bit and remembering that this fridge was here to serve ME, I gave myself permission to move stuff around ... to serve ME. The drawer moved from the left to the right (closer for the kids to grab snacks), I took out one of the shelves, move other ones around, until it was just right ... for me. So, just an example of exercising the "choice muscle" we talked about.

2) About the "Welcome 100% Responsibility for Our Life" part: it is always a somewhat heated debate and last night was no exception. As I thought about it this morning, this is what I came up with:
Whether we come from a Jack Canfield, more pragmatic place (Event+Response=Outcome) or from a more spiritual stance, here is the important part: we always get to choose whether we want to blame someone else (god, the government, our parents, our neighbors, our boss, our dog) OR whether we want to choose what we do about it, remembering that our response is 100% ours. To me, the latter is true freedom.

I'd love your thoughts.

XOX

Kale Chips

2010-07-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

I love the way kale grows all these ruffles, right here in my little garden and I love the way "kale chips" taste - and make me feel.
These are raw, dehydrated and amazing. Not "health food tasting" at all.
I adapted this recipe from my friend Joanie's Choose to Thrive cookbook.

Joanie's Kale Chips
2 bunches kale

1/2 C tahini

2 cloves garlic

1/4 olive oil

1/2 t salt

2 T light miso

1/2 C water

Pinch cayenne

1/2 C grounded golden flax seeds (optional)

(the wet stuff makes a great salad dressing, too!)

Wash the kale, remove the stems, and tear it into 2” pieces.
Mix everything except the kale and the flax seeds into a blender and blend until smooth.
In a large bowl, toss the kale with the sauce until the leaves are well coated (I use my hands)
Line your dehydrator with teflex sheets (I sometimes skip that part too) and arrange the coated kale in a single layer.
Sprinkle the ground flax on top of the kale.
Dehydrate until crisp (I have to leave the house while they dry because I keep peeking and tasting and have even eaten a whole batch before they were done - but that's just me)

They are amazing!

Let me know what you think, ok?

PS for balance, I may share my fully non healthy and fat ladden "La Vie en Rose Key Lime Pie" recipe soon...

Bathtub thoughts

2010-07-11T21:09:00.000-07:00

I talked to my mom, yesterday, and learned that she is now using oxygen, "once in a while." She has gracefully been living with emphysema for the past couple of years as, even though she quit smoking 20 years ago, the previous 40 have done their work.

Following last week's radio show, I exchanged emails today with someone who, following a 2001 aneurysm and a 2-weeks post surgery stroke has been paralyzed and living with double vision.

As I sit in the bathtub tonight, my heart tight with the pain of transitions, I remember that I am so, so lucky to be able to draw a full breath - and know that the next one is coming for sure - AND to be able to simply ... see.

Want my new postcard?

2010-07-09T13:49:00.000-07:00

Just ask and I will send one to you as a little gift.

Living the Questions

2010-07-08T16:40:00.000-07:00

A watercolor I did, to accompany Rainer Maria Rilke's words - which accompanied me through many chapters.

Are you going craaaazy with paper clutter?

2010-07-06T21:30:00.000-07:00

Following last night's Yes! TeleClass segment on simplifying, I was reminded of how prevalent paper clutter can be AND how crazy it can make us.

So.

I am giving away one of my File That Pile! Audio courses (CDs) to the first 5 people who ask me - and need it baaaad.

It is a good one so dont be shy!

Can you say INSPIRATION?

2010-07-06T20:22:00.000-07:00

Spending an hour on the air with Laurie Michaels (technical glitches and all) was like getting a shot of gratitude straight into my bloodstream.
I highly recommend it.

Listen to internet radio with Laura Lavigne on Blog Talk Radio

"Life Does NOT Have to be Hard" Video.

2010-06-25T08:10:00.000-07:00

Enjoy and share with abandon!

Ready to write and publish YOUR book?

2010-06-22T12:41:00.000-07:00

I had a great talk with Crystal Stranaghan today and she shared tons of information about the tips and tricks of getting your book written and out into the world. Not to mention the inspiration to just DO IT!

Take a listen...

7AM Thought

2010-06-10T07:51:00.001-07:00

The only sound sweeter than the door closing behind everyone going to school/work in the morning is the sound of the same door flying open in the afternoon, letting those same everyone back home to me.

Today's show was about "snapping out of it!"

2010-06-08T13:44:00.000-07:00

While I can't say that "Snap out of it!" is my favorite sentence, Renée Heimerman was a great guest with a lot to share about depression, including her own 12-week program to get to the other side. The program - called "Snap out of it!" is amazingly affordable (actually surprised the heck out of me): $29.95 INCLUDING a one-hour coaching call with Renée and ongoing email support. Purty darn good and my guess is that she will be able to put a 0 behind that price really soon. I would :)

Anyway, take a listen - it was a good show.

I Like This.

2010-06-08T08:12:00.000-07:00

"Find your spot on Earth and ride it." Jack Johnson

A Happy Life

2010-06-07T07:39:00.000-07:00

"A happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people don't allow the happy moment because they are too busy trying to get a happy life." - Abraham Hicks

Brain Damage Advantage

2010-06-05T19:47:00.000-07:00

The following words are from Laurie Michaels whom I will interview on July 6th.

Inspiring is too small a word.

“Why did you do that?” “I don’t know, I’ve had brain surgery, I’m brain damaged!” “How could you forget that?” “I don’t know, I’ve had brain surgery, I’m brain damaged!” I can’t believe you said that! “I can’t believe I said that either, I’ve had brain surgery, I’m brain damaged!”What can you possibly say to that? There is no rebuttal to that!

It used to be “I should be back to normal by now.”, “I should be able to care for Ella by now.”, “I should be back to work by now.” Then I stopped “shoulding all over myself”. I realize, I have a golden ticket! I can get away with ANYTHING!!! “I’m brain damaged”, will probably curb your expectation’s of me. I have spent my whole life trying to prove how capable I am, that you can EXPECT great things from me. Now I am set free from your expectations….that’s extremely liberating! That’s what you call “brain damage advantage”.

I am celebrating my 1 year anniversary of my final brain surgery as of 4/16. I chose that as my date to celebrate because the final surgery got rid of my daily vomiting & debilitating daily headaches.

What have I learned? That “brain surgery recovery years” are like dog years…1 year seems like 7 years! I might have gotten “brain damaged” just enough to be “terminally happy”, or maybe I’m only cognitively aware of the good stuff and I am not aware of the bad stuff. Although, I think my inner circle would tell me if “I’m not quite right”. That’s a tough call…do ya tell somebody that they’re NOT completely with it, or let them live happily in their own world? In truth, I think maybe I have been at the bottom of the barrel & now I am just so grateful to have a life!

I do have a life…much more so than I used to. I spend quality time with my beautiful oompha loompahs (kids) every day. I hook up with my mom and take spiritual development classes. I also have a holistic chiropractor work his magic on me, and I push myself in physical therapy. I spend my time doing and being what I want. I am no longer the person I was before the brain surgeries. I refuse to compromise my life, the way I use to. Check yourself, before you wreck yourself! I think I have become a much more thoughtful, patient and present person. Which only time could lead me to.

I don’t think you get a free ride out of whatever you’re in, so you might as well find something positive that you can learn, and run with it. Then pay it forward to your loved ones. Live more juicy!

I feel I have been transformed through all the love, positive thoughts and prayers that have been sent my way. All that energy is so healing and I feel it! THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart! I just hope you will some day get the opportunity to experience the return, 10 fold!

OPEN UP! DIVE IN! BE FREE!"

Money Fast

2010-06-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

All right, so I was not planning on talking about this a whole lot but it seems to have generated enough questions to explain a little.

I decided, last week, that I would go on a fast. I do this in the spring, usually. Not because I put it on my calendar or anything but because my body seems to ask for it around the same time of the year.

So, I lighten up.

This year, as I was getting ready to start, I felt compelled to add another element to this quiet time of simplicity. I would go on a money fast as well.

As I got my kitchen ready for a few days of non-activity, I got my mind - and life - ready for a few days of no money activity as well.

I bought dog food, paid some bills, put a little bit of gas in my car - and put my wallet away.

And it's been great. Easy. Simple. Clean.

The fact that this is a rare week of solitude in my home has been perfect for this.

Actually, except for a couple of clients, a walk with my daughter and quick hugs with friends, I have been on a bit of a people fast, too.

How do I feel?

A little funny.

A little floaty.

Somehow "simplified."

I like it.

Hormone Talk

2010-06-02T10:07:00.000-07:00

I just listened to this interesting interview with John Gray, author of the Venus and Mars series.

Tech Support on Installing Love

2010-06-01T17:18:00.000-07:00

(not written by me)

Tech Support:  Yes, how can I help you?

Customer:   Well , after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.  Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support:  Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer:  Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do  I do first?

Tech Support:  The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located  your Heart?

Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it  okay to  install Love while they are running?

Tech Support:  What programs are running?

Customer:  Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and  Resentment running right now.

TechSupport:   No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your  current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer  disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a  module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely  turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being  properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer:  I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support:   With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke  Forgiveness. Do  this as many times as necessary until Grudge and  Resentment have been completely erased.

Customer:  Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that  normal?

Tech Support:  Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.   You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer:  Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error -  Program not  running on internal components." What should I do?

Tech Support:  Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to  run on internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer:  So, what should I do?

Tech Support:  Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following  files:   Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer:  Okay, done.

Tech Support:  Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system  will  overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming. Also, you  need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories and empty your Recycle  Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never comes back.

Customer:  Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile   is playing on  my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves  all over My Heart.   Is this normal?

Tech Support:  Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually  everything   gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running.   One more thing before  we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it with others and return some cool   modules back to you.

Customer:  Thank you. I couldn't have done it without you.

(thank you, Carol)

A Mental Fast ...

2010-05-31T18:24:00.000-07:00

So, it is Monday evening already and I have barely seen or talked with anyone since Friday.

I did not mean for it to happen that way but it has been wonderful.

A bit of a bug and a heck of a lot of homework has asked for me to stay home and the whole thing morphed into a blend of baths, naps, art, dancing, middle of the night movies and silly food (think coconut milk crepes). Oh, and a little bit of homework, too.

I am almost ready for June.

Bring it on.

One Hundred Suns

2010-05-29T18:01:00.000-07:00

So much rain outside, I made a few suns.

In Awe of Le Creuset

2010-05-28T12:19:00.000-07:00

Twenty some years ago, I had the amazing luck of finding a set of bright orange Le Creuset pans at a garage sale.

I have loved these pans (did I mention the bright orange color?) for all these years and well... it was showing.

My friends made jokes about them and occasionally offered to buy me new pans (no one offered to buy me new Le Creuset, I noticed)

But I loved them too much to replace them with some pale comparison.

Finally, a couple of months ago, I knew it was time. The bottoms were really chipping and I started to worry about stuff leaking into the food.

As I got ready to throw them out, Chris suggested I wait for him to look into any sort of "re-enameling options."

Too happy to have an extension, I put them in the back of a cupboard.

A couple of weeks passed and Chris said that all he had found was someone on a forum saying that ... Le Creuset had REPLACED her pans. Somehow he had filed it under the "too good to be true" category and had not bothered to mention it.

I love too good to be true.

A couple of days - and phone calls - later we were lovingly shipping three of our babies off to the mother plant, somewhere on the East Coast, having been told that Le Creuset would examine them and either replace them or offer me a 75% discount on new ones.

Either way sounded pretty darn fabulous.

And almost too good to be true.

Well, I just got off the phone with this AMAZING company and was told that three brand new pans are on their way to me.

Lifetime warranty, they call it.

I call it magic. I call it kindness. I call it ... WOW.

4:55 - Time for ....

2010-05-26T16:55:00.001-07:00

Pink Hair Wisdom

2010-05-25T14:09:00.000-07:00

I ask her: so, Virginia, when you used to be an actress, did you love every play you did?

And she answers - in a sweet moment of lucidity: No, no, I didn't. But I loved something about each play.

LOVED Talking about Change with Jenny Boylan.

2010-05-25T13:14:00.000-07:00

Wow... that hour went by F.A.S.T.

For those of us who are afraid of our own truth, Jenny comes along and tells us her story.

Take a listen...

Erasing Fears

2010-05-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

I love this idea.

It's not so bad...

2010-05-22T08:56:00.000-07:00

For the last several years, Tanissa has been telling us how much she wants a tattoo.

Over the years - and through various hormone-induced teenage phases - the tattoo's topic could have varied. Greatly.

And so yesterday, 45 minutes after she turned 18 and as I held her hand while some (very talented) man forever altered the perfect little body she was born with, I reminded myself that really ... it was pretty sweet.

As she gets ready to graduate and fly away to Brazil ... she takes with her the names of her two brothers, entwined with her own.

I had a good chat with John Carter Cash... "The Son in Black"

2010-05-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

John was warm and candid and we talked about his super famous parents, music, addiction, LOVE, life, kids, "the movie," his new book and ... triumph.

Take a listen, I think you'll like it!

New Discovery

2010-05-17T20:58:00.000-07:00

A couple of weekends ago, I attended a Turkish cooking class.

The instructor was mighty vivacious and as she whipped up the best tabouleh I have ever had, she introduced me to a new ingredient (I LOVE discovering new stuff to cook with): Pomegranate Molasses. The one I have is produced by Cortas (which is the brand that makes the rose water I splash on my face at night) and I am betting has more use than just enhancing the heck out of tabouleh.

So, I wanted to share this newly found little nugget of fun so that you too may play!

Enjoy!

(Here is a link that seems to know a bit more about this exotic find)

Oversight

2010-05-17T07:37:00.000-07:00

Walking by Ron's raised (really raised) beds at the Farmer's Market, I am smitten.

I love the idea of gardening on the deck, right off the kitchen door.

I love the idea of gardening while looking at the Guemes Channel.

I love the idea of no weeds.

More importantly, I love the idea of less slugs and no deer munching away.

I remind myself of all this as I commit to this non-budgeted fun.
The slugs wont make it up there.
The deer wont make it up there.

$$
The slugs wont make it up there.
The deer wont make it up there.

Ok.

A few hours later, Chris and Ron are loading the beautiful thing up on the deck.

Chris and I spend the rest of the afternoon planting it and I am in heaven.

Finally, all the dirt cleaned up and the plants nestled in their new homes and the seeds tucked under the soil, we sit down to contemplate our work.

And I am so happy thinking that
The slugs wont make it up here.
The deer wont make it up here.

Ahhh....

And then, just like that, Meethra-the-cat jumps up, steps in and admires the wonderful, BIG, new litter box we just got her.

Our Biggest Folder

2010-05-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

I get an email from a client whom I like a whole lot.

The last 6 months have been more than a little crazy for her and even though she is amazingly graceful in the midst of it all, she writes to me that "between working full-time, chemo, and just thinking about the past 6 months makes me tired, most days better than others. I want to sell everything I have, quit my jobs, and go live in a beautiful place somewhere and just rest. Those thoughts come to me more than any other thought these days."

Those thoughts come to me more than any other thought these days.

Her words hit a chord for me as I became aware, just a few days ago, of the existence of a "big folder," living in my mind. I noticed that in comparison with all the other thoughts that swim in and out of my mind, this folder is definitely the biggest.

It felt funny to think about that. To be aware of the very different thickness of this one folder.

It invited ... something.

THAT explains it!

2010-05-09T20:50:00.001-07:00

Chocolate Resolutions

2010-05-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

I am driving home from Seattle, fully aware that after a few days of truffle gnocchi, sautéed wild mushrooms, hot beignets, coconut-curry chocolate chunks, BBQ pork, 3-cheese baguette, Indian dosa, baklava and more ... it is time to slow down and lose a few pounds.

I can do it.

I am determined.

Salads. Green smoothies. No sugar. A daily hike.

I can do it. Starting ... right now.

A little while later, I pick up my kids so that we may head home for an afternoon of Mother's Day sweetness.

Marco gets in the back of the car, carrying a huge chocolate cake he just made. For me.

He is beaming.

And so, without waiting to get home, I turn around and run my finger along the edge of his beautiful creation and get myself a mouthful of chocolatey gooey Mother's Day.

Rothko

2010-05-07T10:32:00.000-07:00

At SAM yesterday after a surprise lunch at the Georgian, I am walking around when all of a sudden, out of the corner of my eye, it catches me.

A painting by Mark Rothko.

I gasp and feel myself pulled towards the tall canvas.

I am fully aware of the cliché and yet, really, truly, I hear nothing around me for a while.

Just the painting. Just the colors.

I walk to it and then I sit and then I move in the colors.

The transparency, the vibrations, the buzz ... the calm.

The fulness and the emptiness.

I need art.

2010-05-05T17:01:00.000-07:00

I need art.

If I am not gonna make it, I need to go look at it. I am starving...

I want to see colors, I want to see things used in weird ways, I want to smell oil, I want to touch clay, I am so, so ready.

So tomorrow, I am driving down to Seattle and I plan on ingesting as much art as I can; in museums, in studios, in galleries... I need a refill.

And then, in not too long, maybe when school is out, I can set up my easel on the deck and paint again...

.

Tipping the Balance

2010-05-04T07:25:00.000-07:00

I know when I have tipped the balance.

I wake up with a little bit of buzz.

I lose stuff.

My elbows feel funny (really).

I have to remind myself to breathe deeply.

My mind has a lot less empty space.

I feel the slightest sense of ongoing panic.

Yuk.

Time to get it back. Time to eliminate.

Nest-Schnest

2010-04-25T11:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday afternoon, I find myself once more looking intently at the little birdhouse that hangs right outside our kitchen window. We have had this birdhouse for years and until now, I had never thought of it as anything more than cute and decorative. The whole "bird" part of it somehow never made it into my brain.

Until this week.

This week, all week, there has been a huge amount of activity around this thing. And I have been riveted.

Day after day, I have watched birds fly in and out, really busily and carrying ... stuff. Also, there has been a bunch of little bird noise shrieking from the inside of this mysterious place. I have been fascinated and distracted and as Chris was in Seattle, have told him about it over and over again. By phone and by email. I have even brought the phone to the birdhouse for him to hear the little sounds.

Yesterday, as he and I sit on the couch, I interrupt our conversation (again) to tell him "look! look! look at what they are doing now!" It seems that there has been a lot less noise and a lot more fluttering.

I know that I am way more affected by this whole thing than makes sense.

Chris looks at me, sweetly amused.

"What?"

No answer.

"Well, what is it?"

And that is when he lets me see, gently, what may be going on for me.

It is 5:00 on a Saturday afternoon and in the last few hours:

- My daughter Tanissa has FLOWN from Seattle to Boston to visit her friend. Talks of buying her airline ticket to Brazil have not been far from my thoughts, either.

- My son Marco has been talking non-stop about my upcoming 16th birthday present to him: I have promised to buy him a SKY-DIVING session.

- My son Costa is - as we speak - FLYING a little airplane over the San Juans - one more hour to the flight log book he has been keeping for the last year.

They are ALL flying!!!!

They are all on their way out of the nest.

Ok, honey. I get it.

Goodbyes

2010-04-22T07:40:00.000-07:00

My friend Julie is slowly saying goodbye to her mom and I am slowly saying goodbye to my daughter.

Different goodbyes, for sure.

This morning hurts.

Essence is the disappointment antidote.

2010-04-20T07:28:00.000-07:00

So there we were, Chris, Erin and I spending the evening "together" while staring at our respective laptop screens. Tanissa was in her room, worshipping her own laptop.

I mentioned the craziness of it and everyone agreed, spent a couple of minutes reminiscing about the good old days of a few years ago when there were no laptops in the house and we would spend evenings doing art and talking. Then we all went back to our screens.

But we still talked to one another, the way people talk maybe when playing cards, a sort of background conversation that has a strange meditative feel to it, maybe specifically because it is not the main focus. An artist might think of it as "atmospheric conversation."

At one point, Erin mentioned a friend of his who had made a huge amount of money (think 30 million dollars) by being involved with Amazon at the very beginning. The amount of money blew a little circuit in my mind and we started to talk about the usual "what would I do if I had that much money."

Erin said that if he had tons of money, he would run a "scholarship" foundation, one where he would give money to people who wanted it for special projects and could convince him of the validity of their vision.

I liked that and loved how excited he looked as he talked about it.

Then Chris, who is usually the quieter of the bunch (Erin and I can yak for hours), looked up from his screen and mentioned "kiva.org"

Wow.

Within seconds, I was looking at a site that offered almost exactly the same essence as what Erin had just wistfully been talking about!

Never mind 30 million dollars. For 30 dollars, you and I (and Erin) can make a huge difference in the vision of entrepreneurs in other countries. Today.

I will let you take a look the site as I believe you may find it fascinating (the repayment rate is a heart lifting and humbling 98.5%)

I went to bed feeling blessed by having witnessed such a pure - and instantaneous - example of Essence vs. Form.

When we speak in Essence, we are often able to take action today, to go from "if I ... XXX, then ... XXX" and go straight to today.

To me, Essence is the disappointment antidote.

Hair and Hairs

2010-04-15T08:10:00.000-07:00

So, it is only 8:02 on Thursday morning and I have:

-shaved
-epilated
-tweezed
-washed
-conditioned
-curled
-straightened
-blown dry

various hair and hairs of my body.

If this is too much information, please forgive me although I believe many of you will relate.
We want more hair here, less there. Curlier here, straighter there. Darker here, lighter there.

Holy Moly.

Being a woman ain't for sissies (but I sure like it)

The Anniversaries that Hurt

2010-04-14T14:49:00.000-07:00

I sit across from a dear client.

She had said that she needed to see me because she was "spinning into a vortex."

As we begin to talk, I sense that her pain is way stronger than "makes sense." I can feel the sharpness of it in my own chest and along with it, a deep sense of despair.

We talk some more.

The pain takes over the room.

Pretty soon I ask her what this calendar time represents for her.

And then we both know.

We both know that her heart has shown up to acknowledge the huge, excruciating pain that came into her life four years and three weeks ago.

Her heart - as our hearts do - is having an Anniversary. One of those Anniversaries that really hurt.

And the kind that, even if we don't let our minds, daytimers or even words acknowledge ... is still an Anniversary.

My WAY Cool Friend

2010-04-13T13:37:00.000-07:00

During our road trip, a couple of weeks ago, we stopped by my friend Joanie's and had a wonderful meal with her.

As we left, Costa forgot his guitar and since Joanie is coming up in a week, she has agreed to bring it up with her.

I just received this email from her:

"...i was just thinking that i can't wait to be a 62 yr old woman carrying a guitar case that says fuck war!"

I love you, Joanie.

Vitamins to Share

2010-04-12T06:40:00.000-07:00

As I was paying for my goji berries at a local health food store yesterday, the woman behind the counter commented on the brightness of the colors I was wearing. She said that they made her happy.

I said that colors made me happy, too and that in fact, they were like vitamins, to me.
They are vitamins for my soul. Whether I wear them, paint them, eat them or walk amongst them (think Skagit Valley tulips!), colors just lift me up in a huge way.

Standing amongst shelves of health supplements, I believe she knew just what I meant.

And she said: "Yes, and these vitamins you get to share with us."

I love this.

Blunt words from a warm heart

2010-04-09T16:00:00.000-07:00

I just saw this on Al Turtle's website and wanted to share:

"While I've been sharing and watching what people do with my writings I have come to certain simple conclusions:

He/she leaves you cuz the relationship you have with them sucks. If it takes someone leaving to get your attention, so be it. Learn quickly. Fix it.

If you don't learn how a) to PreValidate, b) remove MasterTalk c) learn the verbal sharing skills taught quickly by Mirroring then you are screwed.
Use skills that build safety and get rid of habits that threaten.
Make sure you have easy skills of being together and being apart.
Take turns being appropriately selfish.
Learn to like your beliefs and make plenty of room for others to disagree."

Guess What? Having more options decreases happiness.

2010-04-08T06:57:00.000-07:00

Yep.

According to Dan Gilbert (Stumbling on Happiness), contrary to popular belief, having more options generally decreases happiness because we get stuck in second-guessing all our choices. All these options can cause us to keep looking outside of ourselves for the next trend and lead us to lose touch with that part of ourselves that knows what we uniquely desire and value, and that’s when the internal conflict sets in.

See his Ted video (and then, sign up for my Moving Up! program)

Thank You, Julie

2010-04-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

I received these precious tidbits this morning and wanted to share them.

It's absurd to look at a three year old toddler and say, "this kid can't read or do math or even string together a coherent paragraph. He's a dolt and he's never going to amount to anything." No, we don't say that because we know we can teach and motivate and cajole the typical kid to be able to do all of these things.
Why is it okay, then, to look at a teenager and say, "this kid will never be a leader, never run a significant organization, never save a life, never inspire or create..."
Just because it's difficult to grade doesn't mean it shouldn't be taught.
Never mind a teenager. I think it's wrong to say that about someone who's fifty.
Isn't it absurd to focus so much energy on 'practical' skills that prep someone for a life of following instructions but relentlessly avoid the difficult work necessary to push someone to reinvent themselves into becoming someone who makes a difference?
And isn't it even worse to write off a person or an organization merely because of what they are instead of what they might become?

From Seth Godin.

From the Mouth of Babes...

2010-04-03T10:28:00.001-07:00

From Costa (11) as I talk to my kids about my complete lack of sense of direction: "It's just because you're in the present. You don't think about where you're coming from or about where you're going."

When Our Identity Changes.

2010-03-27T13:55:00.000-07:00

Today, I think about a friend of mine.

She and I met a long time ago and I remember the way she would tell me that when I was as old as she was, "things would be so different."

She was 27 and I was 22.

We saw each other through a lot, she and I.

Our friendship went through a few incarnations and was always made of a tough type of fabric, the kind that could stand years of no communication but could get started up with a phone call.

Many years ago, following such a phone call, she saved me from a tough financial spell by giving me a highly paid job at her fashion photo studio. Our bond was renewed within minutes.

Yet something felt odd.

She acted strangely.

I asked and she said that all was fine - she might be a little anemic was all.

As her impromptu agent, I became more and more concerned as she would leave me in the studio alone for days on end and would not accept the bookings I got her.

After a few months, she decided to close the studio for the summer and our paths separated again for a while as she seemed to be asking for space.

Then on January 2, she called me and told me that she had a job for me.

She asked me to take care of her as she and her husband went through Rapid Heroin Detox.

All of a sudden, it all made sense.

Not knowing what I was committing to, I said yes.

And I did.

The three of us booked ourselves into a hotel room as they both took turns going through a process the doctors only very briefly explained to me.

The notion of time went away and years later, I only think of it as a blur made up of a lot of pain and some sweetness, too. Singing The Rolling Stones' "Angie" over and over to her in the middle of the night remains one of my life's treasured memories.

When it was time to go home I dropped both of them off and kissed her goodbye.

And that was, I believe, the last time I saw her.

We spoke a few times, since, mainly when I have called her and been able to reach her.

She has divorced, remarried, had babies and well, has grown a new identity for herself. She is now a mom, happy and I am guessing that I remind her of a time that she would rather forget.

I get it. I do.

And most of the time, I am fully fine with it, knowing that the way I feel about her has little to do with being in the same room with her.

I also remember how, when my life and identity changed drastically, following my divorce, there were a few people I could not take with me. I remember that it caused some of them a lot of hurt.

But today, I just miss my friend.

Little by Little

2010-03-26T07:23:00.000-07:00

One of the joys of my life is my office and the building where my office is.

One hundred years old or so, it simply feeds me. Every time I walk up the (many) steps to my little spot, I am blissed and I feel blessed. I can tell the passage of the hours as the smells and sounds change. From some Mexican breakfast scent in the kitchen very early (most likely Gustavo's) to the voices of kids learning to sing and play music after school... I just LOVE it.

About two weeks ago, I found Maria - who owns the building and serves as a bit of a den mother to us all - wearing her impeccable skirt and kneeling down with a brush as she was applying paint to the third story's wooden floor.

I thought she was just doing a little touch up.

The next morning, there she was again, adding brushstrokes of paint next to the ones she had made yesterday.

Jokingly, I asked if she was going to paint the whole floor this way.

"Oh sure" she said.

????

My mind instantly went into efficient mode. I was about to suggest a roller. I was about to suggest 5 rollers, in fact. I just knew that with a couple of phone calls I could get a few teenagers up here getting the job done in an hour.

But then she said: "Little by little. That's my style."

I could feel my whole body and mind shift as I knew that she was sharing something important with me. Something foreign, too.

So, it has been about two weeks and every morning I get to discover a new little patch of fresh paint and a new place for the "Wet Paint" sign.

No rush, no stress - the building IS 100 years old, really. What's the hurry?

You know?

2010-03-25T16:09:00.001-07:00

You know that feeling you get when you are walking out of the hairdresser's and you CAN'T wait to be alone with a mirror? Yes, that one.

A BIG whiff of us!

2010-03-24T10:52:00.001-07:00

I am going to take my kids and lock us all in our car for a week. Driving is almost optional but South is always a good way to go.

I want some some laughing, some singing and even a little arguing.

I want to breathe in a BIG whiff of that essence of us before life starts moving really fast.

Al's Partnership Vows.

2010-03-16T13:36:00.000-07:00

During the course of the last episode of our seven-week "Relationship Wisdom Series," Al mentioned to notion of "mini marriage vows." It was his contribution to my idea of "setting the intent" for a specific situation, maybe a potentially challenging discussion that needs to take place or - in the case of Chris and me - ... a full day of shared creative work ahead of us.

On that note, Al told me that he had just written a "Partnership Vow" - inspired by his work.

Here it is.

(can you find the pieces that made the Relationship Wisdom Series so powerful: Safety, Reliable Membership, Diversity, Autonomy and Purpose?)

I really like it.

***

I, John to take you Amy to be my partner on this journey of life. I commit to grow and learn until I know how to create safety/trust for us both and recover it when it is lost. I guarantee I will get there with you.

I commit to your needs for space - even from me. I will continue to work so that whenever you need a break from anyone or from me, I will help you get it. I also commit myself to your connection needs. I will continue to work so that even when we are apart you will be able to trust that I will come back to you. I will grow/learn until we create a reliable partnership that supplies both our needs for connection. I guarantee I will get there with you.

I commit myself to your needs to be different and to sharing your differing ways of seeing and valuing everything. I will continue to work until we both feel safely connected in a space where we treasure how different we are and will always be. I guarantee I will get there with you.

I commit myself to your need to always make your own choices for yourself, your body, your property, your thoughts, your emotions, your time and your worth. I will continue to work until both of us experience full respect from each other. I guarantee I will get there with you.

And I commit myself to being a partner in nurturing your soul, its purpose, and its journey on this earth. I will continue to work to help make this world a better place for us both having been in it, together and separately. I guarantee I will get there with you.

I commit myself to building and recovering love with you for the rest of our lives. I guarantee I will get there with you. I will do my best.

Clean.

2010-03-08T09:58:00.000-08:00

Yesterday morning, I watched my son walk away from the car, guitar in hand. He was heading out to the 5 minute ferry that would take him to another island for part of the day. There, he would play his guitar for passersby and - as it turns out - come home with a good chunk of cash.

Last night, I asked him if he ever felt self-conscious about performing in front of people (he has only been playing for less than a year and is not yet 12 years old). He asked me what "self-conscious" meant.

I reached inside my brain for an equivalent term that would be familiar to him. "Embarrassed. Do you ever feel embarrassed?"

He seemed confused. "I am playing music. What's embarrassing about that?"

Ok. I get it.

But I still wonder.

So I try again: "Funny. Does it ever feel funny to you to play while people watch?"

So he says - still looking confused: "I go there so people WILL watch me play. So why would I feel funny?"

Purrrrtty Clean.